Playing Dress Up

As the sun sets, my hopes of composing a successful post disappear with it.  I’ve been at this for literally HOURS.  Without results.  Good ones at least.  Most of you are like, “So just don’t blog if you have nothing to say,”

BUT THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS NOT THE PROBLEM.

I have plenty to say, just not the words to express what I want to express.  But we will try it.  I apologize if this post turns out to be rather awful and rambling and pointless.

So lets go off that.  I find that when I have the most to say, I can’t say a single word.  I can chatter on for any amount of time about nothing at all, because I feel no pressure in talking with my peers, and because I usually don’t walk down the halls yelling about things I feel strongly about.  Things would not go too well if I decided to do that on my way to sixth period.  But when my friends disclose important secret information that they need help with or are just looking for someone to listen to, I find it slightly more difficult to say something, because I feel that it really matters.

Typing this, I realize that people talk entirely too much about things that are completely inconsequential and will make practically no difference to anyone who is listening.  And we all want to matter right?  Whether it’s on a small scale, and making a difference in the life of one person, or on a much larger scale, like finding a cure for AIDS or Cancer.  When we matter, we feel like we have a purpose, we’re not just empty people shuffling about, taking up space on planet earth.  And wanting people to know us comes with wanting to matter.  Most of us wouldn’t mind just shuffling about if we had someone who was shuffling about right by our side, caring about you, and knowing you for you, not for who you pretend to be.  Perhaps you don’t pretend to be anyone, you think you are completely open and don’t have anything to hide.  Do you know what I have to say about that?

FAB!  Really, that’s awesome.  But guess what else?

I think you’re bluffing.  I think everyone pretends.  Inside all of us is still a little girl or boy who loves to dress up in gowns or armor, meet princes and fight pirates or dragons.  We’re all still desperate to live another life that is not our own, where every day is filled with struggles and adventures so different from our own.

We think that Styrofoam shields and wooden swords will protect us, and that pink tulle and plastic crowns will hide us from our problems.

We would rather face someone else’s dragons than fight our own battles.  But at some point, some day, we need to neatly fold our dresses and pack away our swords and face our troubles head on.

But that day doesn’t have to be today.  We can save it until tomorrow.

And we don’t have to fight our dragons alone.

A Peachy Pandora Playlist (from my Bon Iver station):

“Talking in Code” by Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s

“Bracken, WI” by Bon Iver

“White Daisy Passing” by Rocky Votolato

“Flowers in Your Hair” by The Lumineers

“Blue Skies” by Noah and the Whale

“Long Time Traveller” by the Wailin’ Jennys

“Hazy” by Rosi Golan

“White Blank Page” by Mumford and Sons

“Always Gold” and “Welcome Home” by Radical Face

“Crosses” by Jose Gonzalez

“Comfort Inn” by Lewis & Clarke

“9 Crimes” by Damien Rice

“Nicest Thing” by Kate Nash

“Daylight” by Matt & Kim

“Janglin'” by Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros

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